I have no idea how I made it through the 93 minutes aka eternity that Wrong Turn 4 is. It is a bad movie, and I really hate to say that, considering that Wrong Turn 2 is one of my all time faves and the 2 others aren’t that bad either. Why does 4 suck so much? There are several reasons.
1. I didn’t think it was possible to take 20 minutes with jerks to a new level after Hostel, but it sadly is. Wrong Turn 4 ups the number of jerks present and takes it to a new extreme – 20 minutes with jerks is also called “developing doomed characters” for a reason. The laughable character development this group of… 8? 10? No idea, lots… gets is plain horrible, establishing group dynamics by one-liners (!) and leaving no stereotype out, down to the personal union of token black AND lesbian AND action girl. Actually, I was thankful for that character because I couldn’t keep the white kids apart, as usual. It gets worse once the blond chick is dead and then all the guys die. It’s 4 girls with straight dark hair. Who thought THAT was a good idea? Couldn’t they find a redhead or an asian or someone – ANYONE – not looking like a clone?
2. Saving the best for last was yesterday; today, we fill the 5 minutes BEFORE THE OPENING CREDITS with the best part of the movie. That’s the cannibal trio as kids, locked in a sanatorium, then escaping. Well, that is the best part if you can overlook the incredibly silly stereotype: Every mental hospital’s high security ward has exactly ONE guy watching it, and if he’s dead, the criminally insane (insane enough to only GRUNT and have no way to communicate) can easily take over the entire facility. Because there are no other guards ANYWHERE in the building.
3. So, this movie is somewhere between a slasher and monster horror, I guess. Why bring in the “abandoned hospital ghost movie” chlichee too? Because a simple slasher with monstrous creatures isn’t badass enough? Well, it worked out perfectly fine in 3 previous movies. Fuck that crossover mania.
4. I watch gory movies because, you know, I like… GORE. Until now, Wrong Turn has delivered exactly that. Now, I asked myself after 40 minutes when the hell they’ll even start hunting down the victims. I mean, really, 2 pointless lesbian scenes and another pointless sex scene are more than enough to endure to demand a little of the movie’s actual premise, especially if you also take a prolongued ski trip scene into account. ITS BORING LIKE HELL. Then the gore finally gets going… well, or not. Rarely have I seen so uninspired, boring kills. The one scene worth to mention, eaten alive fondue (Hostel 2 says hi, by the way), stretches like bubblegum under the shoe on a hot day, losing its initial appeal completely. The rest is dumb and repeatative (like 2 pulling bodyparts off with barbed wire scenes, lots of bored/boring stabbing with small knives, and an overly stereotype yet incredibly pointless and ineffective chainsaw scene, or pointless running around with industrial size drills that shouldn’t even work in an abandoned hospital, lacking a power source… or 200 miles long cables).
5. Subtitle ad absurdum. Wrong Turn 4 – Bloody Beginnings. That implies a prequel-ish quality to me – how did the cannibal clan start out? Everything looks right when there are, in fact, 3 cannibal KIDS in a 70ies-like setting. But then, we are suddenly “20 years later”, they are grown up, for some reason still live in the sanatorium (which is a HUGE VICTORIAN BUILDING IN THE SNOWY MOUNTAINS OF WEST VIRGINIA) and – yep, no backstory at all. Not what happened to the other inmates/patients after they were freed from their cells. Not if an investigation took place (hospital looks EXACTLY like before, down to a HAIRPIN still being in the same place), not who the parents were, not if there were more clan members. At one point – after all male victims are dead – I began to consider that this was maybe the beginning and the 3 cannibal guys would capture one or some of the girls to start their clan. It’s hard to inbreed with 3 guys, after all, so they needed women from elsewhere. But no. This slight hope for logic went to hell when they had the chance to capture one alive, and instead used a HUGE INDUSTRIAL DRILL to kill her (in an otherwise unspectacular manner). And the rest, too.
6. The acting is plain horrible. This is excused and even appreciated in any amateur and b-trash splatter, but not in a polished Hollywood production that had it’s peek of glory with Henry Rollins in part 2. Sorry, but if you pull out the large ham, you better follow up on it. Not that I expected any big name actors, but at least I expected ACTORS at all.
7. The dialogues are worse than in most b-movies, way worse. The characters act with no logic and are not conistant with ANYTHING. The entire script is an appeal for stricter drug controls because you really need to be on something to find any sense in that.
Famous last words: Wrong Turn did indeed take a wrong turn with that crap.