Criminal Minds S10, American Horror Story S04

As usual, I’m sensationally late with my plan to write weekly about what I watch and it is a bit of a mystery to me how I keep forgetting despite actually watching.

Criminal Minds, S10E01 – E04

First of all, I’m amazed the show is on for 10 years now. It really doesn’t feel that way. Season 10 had a great start as far as I’m concerned. I had really nothing against Alex Blake, and I also have nothing against Kate Callahan either. She seems a good fit for the team and I was amused how the introduction was handled. The BAU team sounded just as jaded as the viewers by now – “gah, no, Prentiss doesn’t come back, no matter how much you whine”, “yeah yeah, we have another new team member, how many did we go through again? Oh who cares, let’s move on…”. And everything went on as usual. The IMDB forum is morbidly interested in opinions about Jennifer Love Hewitt’s weight, which is obviously the biggest concern when it comes to a new team member. I checked in shortly after the first two episodes aired, and still ponder my own standing on the issue. (The current status is “why in the world would I care again…?”)

The first cases were a mixed bag, but there was nothing I actively disliked. It felt a bit over the top at times, but that’s nothing new. There have been absurd cases in the past and there will be in the future, and it’s part of the show’s appeal to not deal with the everyday, down to earth cases other shows handle. What should be noted as big plus is the lack of forced romances. The last two seasons were an up and down of personal life stories; Reid’s fanfictionesque phone booth romantic tragedy, Morgan’s rocky relationship, Hotch’s return to the dating scene. I always felt JJ had that inevitable sub plot covered; her marriage with Will was enough and only rarely stood out as annoying. I have hope the family/loved ones plots and scenes will be left to her in the future, and the main focus will go back to unsusal unsubs and sometimes over the top multi-episode or even season arcs.

 

American Horror Story, S04E01 – E03

To be perfectly honest, I wanted this to fail. I hoped the pilot would be so utterly unwatchable that I would never bother again. And it didn’t. While I’m not as hyped about Twisty as “the scariest clown ever” as IMDB seems to be, I’m interested in all the plots and characters. It only took the pilot to change my mind and want this season to succeed, and I desperately hope American Horror History will not repeat this time. All previous seasons drifted from “amazing” to “what the hell” in the last few episodes, from season 1’s open ended ghost christmas to season 2 leaving various plots unfinished to season 3 wrapping things up disappointingly and derailing characters for no reason halfway through. I really really want season 4 to get it right, but it’s way too early to tell if there’s a chance.

In season 3, I had a very strong preference for Queenie to turn out to be the “hybrid” that would unite the voodoo and the witches. After all, she was a living voodoo doll in the witch coven and it would have been amazing to see her end the war and unite the sides against the witch hunters. Instead, her character suddenly changed for no reason and the outcome of the new supreme was… underwhelming. Now in season 4, I’m not sure who to root for or where which character might go. I like this uncertainty; it keeps things interesting to have no real expectations and it also vastly reduces the risk for disappointment.

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Falling Skies S04E10

This episode takes the cake in the “most cliché” category. Everything that happened – absolutely everything – was so predictable and stereotype, it’s amazing in some way. Or it was “Bring your Harry Potter Fanfiction to Work Day” the day they were filming this.

First, we have Dingaan, Tom, Cochise – and as usual, for no reason Matt trying to find out how the beamer works. To fly it to the moon, in case you forgot. Then the Espheni technology magically pulls out a defense mechanism but only against Volm. For that reason, Cochise can only go on this mission if they can manually fly the beamer… or something, I have no idea. They are basing their plan on “just getting to the atmosphere and then the beamer should pick up on the homing signal from the moon base and auto-pilot engages” to the very end of the episode, and Cochise doesn’t set a foot in the beamer again.

As soon as Matt is alone in the beamer, he starts pushing blinking buttons like any 13 years old boy would. Yeah. That’s what Weaver says. “You know we all would have done the same.” If you grew up among idiots, possible. But I know maybe one teenager who would seriously be that dumb. Seems more like an exception than a rule.

Anyway, Matt’s uncanny luck finds exactly what Cochise and Dingaan couldn’t figure out earlier, and they also pick up a transmission in Spanish. Anthony now speaks Spanish, luckily, and can translate that this an automated message from other humans, recommending to run and hide as the Espheni now improved their methods to capture humans. This only confirms Tom in his belief that flying the beamer to the moon is the most reasonable thing to do.

And then, the shitstorm hits. The entire 2nd Mass (are they still called 2nd Mass?) wants to go instead! Everyone volunteers for a suicide mission. Supermature Matt then suggests to put all names in what looks like a giant mossy seashell and have a draw. Note that this is after Dingaan, apparently the one to know most about Espheni technology, speaks out about having flight experience. As a pilot. It should be a no brainer to pick the volunteer who has at least some solid qualifications, but of course the names go into the seashell anyway, including Ben, Matt and presumably every other teenager around.

Meanwhile, Lexi practises her “gravity powers” with her Espheni father. It is a bit like watching an apathetic Kermit teach Miss Piggy telekinesis. I can’t take Lexi or the Espheni serious as characters, and in their next scene, they drive the point home as to why that is… The Espheni enters the “shadow plane” (yes, really), the telepathic (?) volcano landscape where Espheni apparently talk to each other. While he lays out the masterplan of how Lexi is totally unaware of being a superweapon, Lexi listens and if you don’t see what happens next coming from lightyears away, you lived under a rock for at least 50 years. Yes, Lexi kills the Espheni with her “gravity powers”.

Back in… wherever the Mason Dynasty currently resides… Weaver catches Pope fumbling around on the giant seashell at night. It doesn’t take a genius to expect that the resident anti hero and professional Tom Mason opposer is trying to manipulate the draw in some way, and after the horrific derailment of his character this season, it is also a safe bet to assume he tries to put himself up for the mission. After a drawn out mud fight with Weaver, Pope admits not only that he took Tom’s name out, but also Weaver’s “because these people need you and no-one needs me”. If other characters pick up mud wrestling just to stand a chance at getting a brief moment of suicidal glory from the Masons, you know things are bad. Anyway, after Weaver refers to the possibility that Sara(h?) might come back, Pope rests his case. Because that obviously makes sense in the world the writers live in.

Now the big surprise. Tom (who else if not the man most eager to go on the mission himself?) draws two names. It’s Ben and himself, and then he admits to Ann he fixed the draw so he could go. Ann attests that he is a good father (but apparently only to Ben), after not wanting Tom or any of his sons to go from the beginning.

Long, drawn out scene of Mason Hug [tm] between Tom and Matt.

Maggie, after having told Hal some bullshit story about “the spikes are attracted to Ben’s spikes”, decides it is a great idea to say goodbye to Ben alone. Naturally, they start making out again. Naturally, Hal, who stopped by to forgive Ben, walks in again. A few minutes later, he forgives Ben anyway.

Just when Tom and Ben are about to board the ship, Dingaan holds them back and starts yelling “something is heading this way”. For a brief moment, I thought this was great writing – Dingaan, obviously the more qualified man for the mission, was luring Tom and Ben away, to then quickly board the beamer himself, possibly taking Hal along. But no such thing happened, there was really “something” and it was making beamers crash. The lamest surprise to date: Lexi was coming back to her real father Tom.

Painful. Just… painful.

Falling Skies S04E07

This was almost a coherent episode, if it wasn’t for the people in it. It would also have made a much, much better midseason highlight than, well, the actual midseason episode.

Lexi left her cocoon and proceeded to kill Lourdes for no apparent reason (“to save her the pain” or something?) and announced her plan to leave the 2nd Mass because they “only have violence in their hearts”. No shit, Sherlock, after an alien invasion, it was sort of bound to happen, but let us not forget Lexi Stormborn is a 1 year old super hybrid, and hence kind of stupid. So Lourdes is dead. Lourdes was expected to die since early season 2 by viewers, and now it finally happened. Rather anticlimatic, but for her character, it was truly the best thing to happen.

Anyway, with Lexi gone to her “real family”, the Espheni, said real family immediately moves out to destroy what’s left of the 2nd Mass and their current shelter. Because Espheni totally don’t have violence in their hearts. Like I said, Lexi is kind of stupid. With some luck, the Espheni will turn their violence against her next and end this awful magic hybrid plot.

The 2nd Mass plans to make a last stand and kill the overlord Tom burned. Cochise conventiently shows up again to help out with the part that would involve explosives the 2nd Mass can’t possibly still possess; blowing up a strategically vital bridge. I can accept that as some kind of logic, except… the stand off doesn’t work as planned because of a gas pipe having a leak and blowing up a barricade. I’m not sure if the writers know how gas pipes work, but something has to put the gas in them. They aren’t like trees that just grow and if you cut them open, there’s wood in them. With at least 4 years passed since the invasion, and large parts of the infrastructure destroyed and, if season 1 is still to be believed, ALL the important things (like food and energy sources) trapped… where does the gas even come from? Oh well… Drama doesn’t grow on trees either, so the gas leak had to provide it, I guess.

Another long expected death occured: Tector blew himself up to make the overlord think Tom is dead. This was telegraphed last year when it became known Ryan Robbins would do double duty (signed for another show) and would likely have to limit his screentime due to that. Despite being one of the fortunate few non-Masons to get a backstory, it was a wise choice to opt out of Falling Skies. His death made sense, it was “going out in a blaze of glory” and therefore, Tector has the honor of being the one character to have lived and died with dignity in this show.

From the most dignified death to the least. This episode had quite a bodycount. Dr. Kadar also opted out, but in a much less blazingly glorious way. After the gas explosion, Weaver finds Kadar in his lab, trying to save samples taken from Lexi’s cocoon, and having a huge piece of glass sticking in his kidney. Only after Weaver points this out, and calls for Ann, Dr. Kadar realizes he is mortally wounded, drops to the floor and dies within a minute. For some reason, this upsets Tom a lot more than Lexi killing Lourdes.

Speaking of Lexi, there are some curious lines in here. Hal, now back to his less consistant, less logical self, directly asks Tom “so is she still a Mason now”, clearly suggesting he does not think so. Kudos for that; he’s definitely a bit smarter than the rest of his clan here. However, when Ben seeks out Lexi to have her call off the Espheni, she refers to Tom as “your father”, not “our father”. Room for speculation that Hal is actually right and she really is the child of Ann and the Espheni, and aware of not being a Mason. In that case, it was quite meta of her to leave the 2nd Mass and try to find a better shelter. Not everyone can be as blue-eyed as Pope and believe the Masons are the best bet for survival even if your name is not Mason.

I said Hal is back to his inconsistant self, then pointed out how he was clearly the smartest Mason recently. I got sidetracked, I need to mention that after Lourdes’ death and Hal’s rejection of Lexi as a Mason, he had a talk with Maggie (who, out of character, doesn’t throw a jealous ragefit due to Hal’s reaction to Lourdes’ death). He tells her, in cheesier words than neccessary, that the Espheni have figured out the humans’ true weakness – love. That they realized family and loved ones will always forgive each other, and therefore no-one will do the neccessary thing and kill a friend who is under alien influence. He refers to himself as a risk (his previous mole phase) and that it was a mistake to let all of the people who were infected back into the circle of trust. It’s a really logical stance – the Espheni created Lexi as a Mason, knowing full well Tom would never eliminate a family member. Not his half-skittered son Ben, not his mole-son Hal, not his indoctrination-camp-escapee son Matt; not himself after having a bug in his eyeball. Making him think their “super weapon” Lexi is his daughter was the perfect place to hide her in plain sight and even have the enemy protect the weapon. Hal has it all figured out right there… to just turn around and frantically scream for Maggie, out of love, putting the plan to “pretend we are all dead and hide in this old bomb shelter” at risk. Major Facepalm salutes you, Hal Mason.

By the end of the episode, Ben has lived up to his father’s legacy and let a blond girl talk him into boarding an Espheni ship. Maggie is missing, and the preview for next week suggests she’ll be found paralyzed. A role reversal with Hal being unable to walk in Charleston, and yet another drama point for the woman who already has the most impressive collection of the cast (cancer, drugs, prison, baby taken away, rape).

All in all, yeah, it was sort of a mess as usual, but I would rate this as one of the better episodes this season, mostly due to Tector’s heroic sacrifice and the little screentime Lexi had in total.

Dirty Black Summer – On The Finishing Line

The TV summer hiatus is almost over. Sadly, only almost, hence I still have a hard time to keep myself sufficiently entertained. Criminal Minds returns this month and I have meanwhile made potential peace with Emily Prentiss being replaced. The new lady on the team is a linguist, from what I read. (And I’m a sucker for that specialization, though it is not quite as awesome as characters speaking made up or ancient languages.) So she might actually become the season’s saving grace and make up for yet another shitty romance subplot, this time involving Reid getting a girlfriend. Seriously, guys, it’s supposed to be a damn crime show. Do we really need romance crap there? Especially after the drawn out “Hotch is dating again” and “Garcia almost gets married” archs from last season? Can’t we just, y’know, have a show about solving crimes?

Anyway. What I did get back as of yesterday is the lowest of the low reality TV coupling show. It is a shame there is no English word for “Fremdschämen” (definition: to witness another person embarrass themself without any shame and hence feeling the shame for them), a term coined by shows like this. Imagine a crossover of the worst aspects of “Farmer Wants A Wife” and the MTV show “Date My Mom” and you have an accurate idea. It doesn’t even pretend to really care about 40 years old virgins and basement dwellers finding their big love, an adventure initiated by their parents for the sole purpose of finally getting those guys out of the house. The show actively makes fun of them with silly aliteration nicknames (“the charming chauvinist from Chemnitz”) and hilariously overdramatized soundtracks (expect at least two occassions per episode to hear “One Moment In Time” and “Some Hearts Are Diamonds”, mixed with theme park jingles).

With this being my sole entertainment until Criminal Minds returns, I decided to also feed my raging, untreated ADD some more critically acclaimed shows and watch the pilot episodes of several recent/current shows to see what catches my attention.

To make a start, I watched the pilot of “Sons of Anarchy” today. Jacks, who appears to be the main character of the narrative, already pisses me off. I also did not need the implication of his mom going down on Ron Perlman. However, in the defense of the show, it remained an implication and was the only scene that remotely implied sex at all. The gracious violence, drugs, crime and nazi symbols are reason to hope that the MA rating results from all that and Mr. Perlman will keep his pants on.

So what’s the show about anyway? The everyday life of a biker gang called “Sons of Anarchy”, their crimes and likely their gang war against one of the various other organized crime groups. Doesn’t sound too bad as a premise and besides pretty boy Jacks and his newborn cripple and batshit insane crackhead ex, there are some appealing things. For once, Ron Perlman as gang leader seems a good choice. Then, we also had a brief appearance by Mitch Pileggi as the leader of a rivaling nazi gang. And most of all, this show has a freaking Elvis impersonator in the pilot. And two big explosions.

Famous last words will be spoken later, when I had a chance to compare to my other options – Hell on Wheels, Oz, Broadwalk Empire and possibly even the hyped Breaking Bad. For now, I consider this a solid hour of entertainment, despite it taking the combined efforts of two gang leaders and an Elvis impersonator to make up for the whiny pretty boy lead. His mom seems kinda cool, too.

Serial Offenses

Since the end of Stargate Atlantis, scifi has lost me. Or have I lost scifi? And was that intro pseudo-philosophical and unneccessary? However, lately I feel not only scifi has let me down, but television as a whole.

Stargate Atlantis, ironically the last scifi series to really pull me in, started this mess during season 4. ‘Michael’, a most brillant adversary, began whipping out one liners and revenge plans that would make every golden age comic villain blush; carefully deconstructing the incredible character he was from late season 2 on. The villain against will or own fault, the lingering evil out there, the one to scream “what the hell, hero?” whenever the fantastic four needed to hear it, Michael had it all. Well, and then he changed his name to Rumpelstiltskin and went after Teyla’s firstborn child… fathered by a guy who came out of nowhere and never played any significant role, no less.

At that point, I had forgiven the Replicators, but Michael’s fall from grace wasn’t so easy to stomach. I gave it a chance anyway, and what did I get? Half the cast of SG-1, more than obviously sitting out their contracts, and the most ridicolous “new enemy” mid season cliffhanger ever: Pegasus Asgard that vanished after two episodes and were never mentioned again, nor had any consequences for the big finale. Before enduring this, I was also insulted with a laughable CSI Atlantis abomination that swam on the trendy wave like Atlantis self should swim in the ocean shortly after.

Reason: Stargate Universe, the next big deal. Well, not really. Actually, the story wasn’t all that new. Once upon a time, a certain Captain Janeway had been lost thousands of lightyears from home and known space. And battled a conflicted crew, forced together by circumstance, and later a technologically superior enemy with a hive mind. While Voyager wasn’t a revelation in itself, it had this very story first. And in Voyager, I didn’t instantly high five any of the characters, but warmed up with the few better ones during the first season; namely B’Ellana Torres and the Doctor, later also the much missed Lon Suder and due to him, even Tuvok. In SGU, it took me several episodes to keep these guys apart and when I finally had most of the names down, I only wanted to punch each of them in the face. Two dimensional (at best), stereotypical people I gave a shit about – if I didn’t hate them. The writing, the story, the (mostly absent, if present disappointing) enemies, the so-called character drama – it all sucked.

I sat through both seasons. I tried to like it. I tried to hope it would pick up at a point. And gave up, stayed tuned, for the only reason you could possibly have: laugh about it and wager when it would be cancelled.

Stuck without scifi alltogether, I decided to start watching a series from better times; when space opera wasn’t an endangered species. I considered Battlestar Galactica and ran into the big problem: Which one? Whenever I thought I had it figured out, someone would come along and yell “OMG that’s the wrong one! It’s so cheesy/blasphemic, you gotta watch the other one!” And somehow, I believed both sides. That it was both cheesy and blasphemic. And having read so often that Stargate Universe was a half-assed attempt to be like BGS, I also didn’t really want to see it full blown. So I ended up watching neither old nor new, and sat down with another rerun of Babylon 5 instead.

At the moment, I try hard to like Farscape and it somehow doesn’t work. Except for Aeyrn Sun, none of the characters really interests me. I also have a hard time dealing with the puppets, as much as I appreciate the attempt to bring in more diverse aliens. And a sentient ship is one thing, but a pregnant sentient ship? And the big bad Scorpius, looking like made of Borg spare parts? It all feels like a flashback to Andromeda, down to the oh so alien cleric. I did like Andromeda, yes. But I never really got into it that much. It was nice to watch, not more, not less, and it became utterly boring and pathetic in the 5th and final season.

The other front, crime shows, seems to stand strong. Criminal Minds got a 7th season. But at what cost? First, they disposed of JJ, then the useless and unfitting agent-in-training Seaver didn’t even begin to fill that gap and before it really sank in, Prentiss was gone, too. And on the other end, the more interesting character background about Reid’s schizophrenia simply vanished mid season, never to be mentioned again, and JJ came back. Chaos much? Oh very much so, as the cliffhanger is the open question if anyone will take the offer to leave the team.

The series had survived two surprising changes in the team; when Gideon as the main draw left and Rossi came in, and the brunette switch when Prentiss took over for Greenaway. It had the team balanced – why change a working system now? Budget cuts? The spin off? Drunk writers? In short, CM was simply not the same anymore in season 6, and robbed of all scifi joys, I needed something new to really catch my interest.

I went into a rerun of The 4400, while trying to decide if I should give Fringe or Dexter a shot, but neither seemed appealing when I was through. I toyed with the idea of watching Enterprise again, but I didn’t feel up to another rerun. So I read through my to-do list – and finally watched Rome, the most different-from-anything-else-on-the-list thing. Within 4 days, both seasons, hungry for more, knowing there wouldn’t be any more seasons. Devestated, I withdrew to the realm of history documentaries in my grief.

A week later, my brother lived up to his nickname and turned out to be salvation: He showed me the pilot of Game of Thrones. Having found blind faith in HBO productions with Rome, I knew this would become a wonderful companion. But it became so much more. The breeze to ignite a flame I hadn’t felt burning for years. Longing for more, I had watched several clips on the HBO YouTube channel about the houses and characters in Game of Thrones – and came to click on a ‘related’ link, leading to a trailer for Spartacus.

Spartacus had aired a few months earlier and recieved horrible feedback along with mentions of being cut to pieces beyond recognition on TV, so I had never bothered. But two trailers – one for Blood and Sand, the other for Gods of the Arena – were enough to make me head straight to Amazon and get US imports. What show the critics had seen, I don’t know nor care about. Yes, there is a lot sex and violence going on, but connected so perfectly, so beautifully, I cannot see the “guilty pleasure” nature.

As an ace, I naturally don’t care much for a deluge of sex scenes – if they are pointless. In Spartacus, they rarely are. They are major plot devices and tools for character development. Unlike the horrible SGU, Spartacus has no stereotype, flat characters you give a shit about. It has characters that scream to be discovered in all details; their relations, their motivations, their thinking and their goals.

I’m certainly not opposed to massive foul language and graphic violence either. To be frank, some of the violence qualifies as pointless for the story. But then, what do you expect in a series about gladiators in Rome, where violence was the most valued form of entertainment? And having that in mind, I can definately appreciate the effort to make a character recognizable, add some personality and keep it up for several episodes, for the sole purpose of a spectacular kill – one that hits home in every possible way, no less, and makes even a gorehound swallow for a moment.

For years, no series has had me from hello like that. If ever. Even my all time faves – Deep Space Nine and Babylon 5 – needed more than an episode (and DS9 almost 3 seasons!) to pull me in. And with a new love like that, it’s just half that bad that my favourites on Britain’s Got Talent, Edward Reid and the Circus of Horrors, were eliminated in the semi-finals. Just like last year; just like every year.

Mondo Cane 1 & 2

Mondo Cane 1 & 2

Did I ever say I will not review mondos? Yes, so I won’t.

But I should let the world know that I watched Mondo Cane 1 and 2 this week, and even though both are kinda boring and obviously suck for being mondos alone, I wish to share my fever thoughts.

There is no real need to discuss the content. From totally senseless to actually perverse, every bad side of mankind is featured. Of course it takes a disturbed mind and a tendency for both voyerism and mistanthopy to watch it. I don’t know what it takes to like it, but that isn’t the point anyways. One will doom mondos for being so close to snuff (or even real snuff; as in Mondo Cane 2); the next one will be fascinated by this fact. I belong to the second group.

While the high society absurdity and the “civilized world” insights are clearly nothing but pitiful these days, they probably had a certain impact in the release years. But what mondos show about the “uncivilized” parts of the world and the destruction brought to the planet, nature and animal population by the civilized nations still has this effect in 2009.

Effects of nuclear tests and industrial polution, uncensored. The “white man” exploiting native tribes, uncensored. Evidence of slavery. Civil war. Bizarre religious rituals – not just somewhere in New Guinea, no. In “civil” countries. Italy. Spain. Portugal.

There is way too much featured to comment everything, so I will just pick some examples.

A tribe in South America; robbed of its real belief by Christian missionaries. Out in nowhere, with nothing but rain forest and the mission around, the natives witness the landing of supply planes. And having no other gods left, they start to worship them – build plane idols from wood, waiting every night for one of the “god birds” to discover them, land there and bring messages from the ancestors.

A tribe in a desert in Africa – American help organisations sent them 300 cows, to a region where these animals were completely unknown. Some years later, only a few cows are left. And the tribe does nothing but dive for sea weed from the only lake around, because there is nothing else the cows can eat.

Obsessed believers, celebrating a ritual in Italy – robbing through the village on bleeding knees, to show their love for god.

A desert tribe, having nothing to eat but crocodile flesh – which makes the men infertile. In 30 years, only one child has been born. The tribe will extinct within a few decades.

An asian village, where 90 % of the inhabitants are crippled by sharks – the only way for them to earn money and survive is shark fishing, because the crippled will find no other work.

All this was filmed in 1963. And I wonder, what would a mondo from 2009 show?

Saw VI

Saw VI

To get you in the right mood, I will first tell you what I currently drink. Its not alcoholic or anything, no. Its in a pink plastic bottle, it was very very cheap and right next to my energy drinks in the store. How could I resist “Disney’s Hannah Montana Star 4u Drink” in “mild strawberry & vanilla”? It has more bubbles than anything else I ever drank, mostly tastes like water and it disgusts me. I just love disgusting things.

Now, with this visual, let’s advance to another quite disgusting fact: I liked Saw VI.

Yes, I liked Saw VI. In a “I liked Saw VI better than Saw IV or Saw V” way, that is. And that’s basically like saying “I like typhus better than ebola because at least your eyes don’t bleed so bad”.

What makes Saw VI better than the last 2 parts? There are several things:

Tobin Bell. He’s more around since he died than ever. Its not just Mark (that’s the new killer’s name, I realized that after about 50 minutes and totally missed it in the last 2 movies) we have to endure.

No more mixing up cop and killer. Because the cop is the killer now. They could have made that twist a bit more interesting, but oh well, maybe that would have been simply too Dexter.

Story. Yeah, there is one. Jigsaw finishes open business with the insurance company that denied his cancer therapy. We go back to the Saw III concept of one main victim having to question his past decisions and face their consequences. It was less random this time.

Traps. They were pretty balanced. Some real gory ones like the first, but also some that were visually less spectacular and made more sense for the story instead, like the choice between the secretary and the data clerk.

Sure there were also some downsides. No big surprise for a VI-sequel. The old Saw illness of having to tell the background story of each and every person that was ever anywhere on the set, for example. But this time, they didn’t do it as annoying as before.

The trap I didn’t like for several reasons was the russian roulette type with the 6 employees on the chairs. First of all, I couldn’t really see what happened to the main victim when he decided to let one live (scene too dark), and that was inconsequent for Saw. And secondly, I would have liked to know the reasoning behind the choices. 4 die, 2 live, fine. But I didn’t see in any way on what the choices were based. The other traps, and this one likely too, had the purpose to teach that man that his formula was wrong. During the choice trap before, he had to revise his formula already – formula says a healthy young man with no realitives and no history of chronic illness is valued higher than an older woman with a disease history in her family and many relatives. He lets the woman live, despite his own formula. He obviously admitted he was wrong with that, and this part was what I missed about the roulette trap. He kinda randomly let live and die, without any hints why he made what choices.

We also have to deal with a lot flashbacks, but oh well, that was to be expected.

The finale grande had a “oh wait, I’ve seen that before” effect. The trapped woman and son were supposed to be mistaken for the victim’s family, but are actually the wife and son of a man that died because the insurance denied to cover his treatment, early in the movie. The annoying reporter turned out to be the victim’s wife, and she made only little sense all the time. Got kidnapped and woke up in a room, but destroyed the tape before she (or I, or anyone) ever heard what Jigsaw told her, if there was a trap or a way to escape for her. That made it slightly obvious to guess that she was there for another reason.

I did like the mix up in Saw III, but not so much here.

Then, the woman and son get to decide if the insurance guy will live or die. Jigsaw grants the victims a chance to take revenge or show mercy – yet another thing we’ve seen in Saw III; it was all about forgiving. A very open repeat of that concept, if I may say so.

I’m glad Mark is dead. I didn’t like him as Jigsaw. Not at all. Amanda, yes. She was a good heir. She had a reason and a background that made sense. About Mark, I never really understood why he helped Jigsaw. He just did. And through 3 movies, his motivation was never revealed, at least not that I noticed or understood.

So who’s left? On what characters can we put our money for another sequel? Jill, Jigsaw’s wife, finishes his work. She was a top bet for quite a while to become the new Jigsaw. The reporter survived unharmed, but also unchanged. She had no trap or lesson that her habit to exploit others for her profit was wrong. She saw her husband die, but that doesn’t turn you into a killer. Wife and son of the man that died. Wife, not so much. She didn’t pull the trigger. But her son did. He’s about 16 I’d say – old enough to become a killer? We’ve seen less logic in Saw IV already, so why not?

Famous last words: I can live with this as the end of the Saw legacy. Really, its a good movie. It shows the best sides of the concept again, after 2 really disappointing sequels. Its a good moment to stop and let it rest. A worthy last impression if you will. And Hannah Montana is smiling at this movie.

Last Of The Living

Last of the Living

Now this is totally what I mean when I say I hope there’ll be a new cineastic fashion along with Zombieland. The flair is in Last of the Living, though there were clearly some zeros less on the budget. This is a true amateur/low budget production, and has all the good things – barely/non-authorized filming in public places (from what I read, most street/city scenes were filmed on the morning of christmas – that’s dedication!), cheap (but certainly not all bad) make up, amateur actors, soundtrack (and outro credit performance) by local band… But even better, the camera and cut was all but n00bish, someone did a real good job there.

The PG18 rating was certainly not forced on the movie, I more think it’s for marketing purposes. Its not overly gory, and a lot splatter close ups were left out. That’s where the real good camera work shows. You don’t expect an exploding body in every scene because of the way the entire movie is filmed. Cuts, scene switches and such are well done, too. I admit I compared a bit to Goremet here, and that set a whole new low standard, so really ANYTHING looks well done in the face of it. But still, Last of the Living is solid work; a b-movie for the sake of missing budget, not missing talent.

The story is quickly told. 6 months ago, the outbreak turned all New Zealand (and the rest of the world, I assume) into zombies, except for a few survivors. Our main characters are the self-proclaimed womanizer Morgan, the geeky Ashleigh and the rock band guitarist Johnny. It’s not spoken out, but from flashbacks and dialogues it can be assumed that Ash is Morgan’s younger brother, and they met Johnny about 2 months after the outbreak.

Now, that sounds kinda stereotype. It is, and that’s totally cool. All three are losers in their own way. Morgan makes comments that he was working as an actor before everyone became a zombie; sweet and intentional irony that he says he was a great actor and Ash starts laughing at him. From the quality of the acting, I’d say Ash and Johnny are clearly better than the rest of the cast; however, Morgan isn’t as bad as other reviews claim. Ash is the type of geek you’d really expect to survive an outbreak. He’s not too cowardly, but still careful and tries to protect himself with logic. He’s the only of the survivors wearing “gear” when they go zombie bashing, to show less skin the zombies could bite, for example. Johnny, much older than the two brothers, is stereotype rock’n’roll. His solution to everything is chips’n’beer, and he doesn’t mind much to run into a house full of zombies and beat the crap out of them with whatever he finds on the way. My favourite Johnny line has to be when he’s asked if he thinks the zombie issue would be in the way to make his band famous, and he says he’s the only surviving member, but doesn’t really see that as a problem because most bands sold more records after being dead anyways.

These three have no claim to save the world or anything. They break in houses, take what they need from shops, play video games and that’s about it. When they decide the current house is too boring, they drive around to find a better one and come to a church that is surrounded by zombies. They correctly assume there are survivors hiding in the church and go to help them (mainly because Morgan hopes there’s a hot chick). They find a scientist and his daughter Steph, both were working on a cure for the zombies. The father gets bitten, Steph makes it to escape with the trio, but loses the blood sample needed for the cure. To get a new one, they have to go to the hospital where she used to work, extract a new one and put it in some machine. Obviously, the hospital is full of zombies.

In a world that was overran by living dead 6 months ago, its also no big surprise the power goes out while the machine is running. Morgan and Ash fight their way to the basement where they can activate an emergency generator, while Johnny stays in the lab with Steph and defends the blood sample. Morgan and Ash are trapped in the basement; here we get some character scenes that lead to my guess they are brothers; before they can escape through a tunnel or tube or something. Elsewhere, Johnny and Steph escape from the lab, with the blood sample, and they face 30 zombies surrounding their car. While Morgan comes up with a silly plan to just make a run for the car, Johnny offers to distract them since he got bitten and will turn into a zombie within an hour himself. For an amateur script, that’s a real great and touching sacrifice scene and I didn’t even think about Hard Rock Zombies when Johnny gives Steph a tape with his latest songs and asks her to take it to the right people when all this is over. A beautiful detail is that he goes down fighting, and its the first time his self-invented boxing move works (at least for a while).

The 3 survivors continue their way to an airport to bring the blood sample to an island where other scientists work on the cure. Stupid problem – Steph, the only one who can fly a plane, gets bitten. The flight will only take 40 minutes, and she has an hour before she turns into a zombie, so we are a bit in a hurry now. On the airport, Morgan almost sacrifices himself to let Steph and Ash escape, but finally makes it to jump in the plane last minute. And now, as you probably already expected, Steph becomes a zombie during the flight and Ash has to use his knowledge from video games to land the plane on the island. Here, they find the science camp deserted, and in a quite surprising scene, Morgan falls victim to a sudden zombie attack.

Ash finds a not properly working radio in one of the zombie infested buildings, saying to stay away from the island because there are no survivors. Hunted by his now-zombie brother, he runs to the beach and tries to leave the island with a boat. In the process, he kills Morgan and also loses the blood sample in the water. I’m not sure this is really the best way to end the movie, but Ash becomes the last of the living, escaping on a lonely boat. There would have been more original ways to get there, but I’m not really complaining. The movie makes too much hope for the new zombie movie fashion to really happen, and its way better than most other amateur movies I’ve seen since 1995 or so.

Famous last words: Sequel, please!

Dead Snow

Dead Snow (2009)

A masterpiece of trash from Norway. The topic of this movie is nazi zombie fun splatter. 8 college students (of medicine) wanna spend a weekend in an old hut out in nowhere. Nothing but hills and snow around – and some weirdo Reinhold Messner type of person who lives in a tent and warns the kids that this place has a history. After a raid during WW2, the villagers fought back and the surviving nazis had to flee to the mountains with all gold they could carry. People thought they froze to death, others claim they still roam the mountains. Actually, both is true. An army of nazi zombies wakes up when the campers discover the hidden gold in their hut.

Its bloody – I mean, really bloody. Its funny. It has great effects, especially the makeup of the zombie leader is awesome. Highly recommended!

Low Tension, after all

So everyone told me if I want some ultraviolence, I should really watch ‘High Tension’. Umm. Why? Because I just did and it was kinda… boring and uninspired. Not to say illogical, but that I don’t mind. It’s just…

Is there a story? Hm. Not really. There are two girls, Marie and Alexis, and they go to the country side to visit Alexis’ parents who bought an old farm house. And then, a mad killer shows up, slaughters the family and kidnaps Alexis, while Marie can hide and tries to help her friend. For a very – very – long time this is rape’n’revenge without rape or revenge.

When I wondered when the damn movie would finally be over for the 15th time; it was after the 6th “chasing in dark woods with nothing really happening” scene – someone heard my prayers. Something did happen. Marie turns out to be a lesbian split personality mad killer with a chainsaw. Kinda. My little problem is – if she imagined it all… which is a problem in itself… how did she chase herself in a car while driving a truck?

Something doesn’t add up here. Plus, it is quite annoying, or the reason why I simply don’t get it, that the English language selection still results in a movie half English and half French. Since my French isn’t too bombastic and there are not even ANY other language subtitles for the scenes I don’t understand, I might have missed some really important things. ‘High Tension’ is bloodier than ‘Frontier(s)’ and ‘Hostel’, I give it that. But that doesn’t make it a good movie. The gore – if you can call it that – comes, it is uninspired – it gets as original as axe murder; or it is plain illogical and painfully unrealistic. You can NOT decapitate someone with a shoeboard. You just can’t. I also have my doubts you can cut off someone’s hands completely with a razor, including bones, within two minutes.

Famous last words: I still feel pretty tense. Guess I just go watch something bloodier.