Carver (2008)

Wow, what a lesson how a single scene can ruin a movie.

But let’s begin with the… well, story? I’m not sure there really is one that goes beyond the typical slasher formula of “group of twenty-somethings camps in the woods, killed by rednecks”. Actually, that is exactly the story here, with the not exactly uncommon addition “killed by rednecks who make snuff movies”.

The group of twenty-somethings consists of Pete, his younger brother Brian, their friends Zack and Gina (or something) and another camper they meet, Kate. They are semi-forgettable, but at least not as annoying as the usual cast of “20 minutes with jerks”. That is the next point that stands out as positive: There is no “20 minutes with jerks” phase in the movie and the pacing in general is great. Stuff keeps happening from the first minute; there are no lengths. My usual attention span lasts 15 minutes of nothing relevant happening into a movie; this one wasn’t hard to sit through at all. I also liked the overall atmosphere; very grindhouse, not too overdone-gritty, nice light.

Now to the less positive points. This movie was clearly going for torture porn, and measured by Hostel standards, it did succeed. My opinion about Hostel, however, is that it is obscenely overrated, highly disappointing and boring. “Carver” has more kills, more gore, more explicit gore, using a variety of tools (mainly farming tools). Yet these scenes still seem uninspired and don’t follow through on the ideas. In some cases, the victims underact the injury and hardly scream or struggle; in general, everyone recovers much too fast and too unphased from hammer blows and later even shotguns. “The Hills Run Red” comes to mind; a very similar issue in a very similar movie – a masked maniac killing people in the woods to make snuff movies.

In total, this was alright to watch – with the exception of the one scene to ruin it all and make it laughable. An escaped victim sees a chance to run over the killer with a truck and actually takes it, then even double taps with a fork into the head. At this point, yeah, the killer is dead. Until he steps up behind her and seriously says “that was my stunt double”. Really? REALLY? Come on. That was completely unneccessary, and comical in a clearly not intended way. You can’t make a serious slasher/torture porn and then bring such a stupid “plot twist”. A second killer, sure, that was the idea all along, but a STUNT DOUBLE of a rather recognizable guy? Had the actual second killer taken over at this point, I would not see any problem with this movie as a whole and would rate it as one of the more enjoyable slashers. But this scene ruined it all.

Famous Last Words: Just… WHY?

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Newsflash: Hostel 4 doesn’t suck…much!

Surprise of the day: Hostel III doesn’t suck too much. Ironically, it was a direct to DVD release, “based upon characters by Eli Roth”, but neither written nor directed by him. There are twists I didn’t expect, and though I don’t exactly expect ANYTHING from Hostel (except that it will suck), I can appreciate that. Ok, I gotta admit, towards the end, there are TOO many twists and it goes a bit in a “everyone double-crosses everyone else” direction. When you begin to expect a surprising twist every 10 minutes, it kinda kills the surprise. However, I have to give credit to the Ukrainian victim: It’s the first time in the history of Hostel that a character does something remotely intelligent. It is debatable HOW intelligent it really is to run into a room labeled with “HIGH VOLTAGE” with an axe, but he did achieve his goal to disable the electricity, without dying. (Well, dying from THAT.)

Also remarkable: The victims (there are 8 in total, face-heel/heel-face turns not considered) are not as faceless and boring as in Hostel 1 & 2. Sure the character development doesn’t break any records, but it goes far enough to like or dislike them at least a bit. That is a notable contrast to Hostel 1 & 2, where you either hated them all from the moment you saw them, or gave a shit about them from their first scene to their last dying breathe.

Especially in the first 30 minutes, there is a lot actual suspense; very uncharacteristic for Hostel. I more expected the usual approach: 20 minutes (well, 45 minutes) with Jerks trope, followed by major disappointment and boredom. That is not the case here, there aren’t any real lengths. I credit the non-sucking quality of this movie to the uninvolvement of Eli Roth – I always thought the premise is great and wished someone else would come along and do it better.

Serbia, revisited

104 minutes torture porn it’s truest form. I finally got to watch the uncut A Serbian Film, and I’m still impressed with the execution. Sure, it didn’t have the surprise effects anymore, but still. It is rare that I rewatch a movie so shortly after the first go, but it is hard to resist to check out the uncut version if the cut one was already so impressive. Actually, I can’t pinpoint from memory where those 8 minutes were missing. That’s a good thing, as it just tells me that the movie is, in either version, a round thing.

However, Vukmir’s monologue about victims and their power made me think. Is it true? Do victims have the power he claims? In A Serbian Film, Milos is both victim and victimizer, yet I feel nothing of his power. He is, in fact, powerless; a tool Vukmir and his men use, which puts him more on the victim side. But do I care about him? Do I feel sorry for what happens to him? No. I don’t. I see him as a tool. A choiceless machine that does what the puppet masters ask. No matter how he tries to escape or fight against it. What about his victims; Maria, Petar, the nameless women? Same here, means to an end. I also feel nothing about Vukmir, Rasa and the other victimizers.

And maybe that is exactly what I find so impressive: That I, the viewer, can just sit back and watch, without taking sides. No morals, no ethics, no common sense is forced on me; they are all victims in their own way, and victimizers at the same time. And the movie doesn’t tell me either side is good or bad. And also leaves me the option to still think that people who genuinely like Lady Gaga or Jedward are by far more dangerous than people making movies like this.

Men Behind The Sun

I’m moderately shocked – my long time memory seems to be damaged! It’s been some years that I watched Men Behind The Sun, and it was a poor quality video tape in original language with subtitles in… well, Asian letters, Chinese or Korean maybe; same for the cover and credits. But I should still remember the movie correctly, at least what happened, if not the order of events.

This was the first time I watched the English version on DVD, so both understanding of the story and the quality were a lot better, but it doesn’t explain how I remembered two scenes totally different.

For once, the surgery scene on the Chinese boy. In my memory, the boy was lured into the building with his toy ball and picked up on the corridor by the scientists. In the movie, one of the Youth Corps soldiers promises him food and hands him over to his commander

And secondly, though that might be a result of the poor quality, the women with the frozen hands. In my memory, she was on an open field, not a yard with ice walls. Probably quality; on an old tape, white is white. However, I also thought it was her real baby and not a pillow she thought was her baby – that’s a quite big difference. Even more that, in my memory, the soldiers hit her frozen hands while still outside until they shattered and then the woman remained there; while the shock frosted person in the laboratory was a man, and he was the one who got the flesh ripped off.

I’m really confused about this. Both scenes are so specific and clearly in the movie – somehow – so I don’t think I mix it up with one of the sequels. Has it really been that long that I watched any of it? Have I seen too many camp movies to keep them apart? Anyway, still a good watch; now I just need to find subbed or dubbed versions of the sequels to check if it is my memory messing with me.

(Very) Short Cuts

The Attic Expeditions (2001)

This is more mystery and fantasy than horror, and in a good way. It is basically a story similar to the overhyped Shutter Island, but in a better setting, with a more surreal feel and well, Jeffrey Combs as a mad scientist, and that makes every movie a bit better.

The Wizard of Gore (2007 Remake)

For those who expect a rant about the blasphemy of remakes, this will be a disappointment. Jeffrey Combs AND Brad Dourif in a H.G. Lewis movie that includes a sideshow? It’s all I need to like a movie; no complaints at all.

Short Cuts, 2nd Take

I haven’t been too busy with movies in the last week. I had to catch up on reality shows, with the sad result: all my suspicions were confirmed. It’s really just the German version that always sucks bad, and it’s our very own fault that we will never find a real idol, talent or top model. Our winners will stay exactly that: audition show winners, regardless of their quality.

The better result of a comparison is that Europe is stronger than ever when it comes to horror movies. While the US is busy to “re-interpret” successful Asian movies, come up with more pointless sequels of movies that are far beyond their highlights or to re-make classics/commit brutal blasphemy, Europe pays no attention to this trend and has found a silent agreement to go in a different direction.

[Rec] and High Tension are no longer exceptions from the prejudice that European movies aren’t daring enough or too artsy to shock.

Martyrs is great, as to be expected. I’m at a point where I’m more surprised if a French movie sucks than if it doesn’t. Martyrs is artsy, no doubt, but it is also extremly sick and graphic, right from the start. A girl, Lucie, escapes a torture chamber, grows up in a mental hospital, only talks to her best friend – Anna, another girl who was abused by her stepfather. After 15 years of silence, Lucie returns to the family that kept her like a dog in a dark chamber – with a shotgun. I call this the ‘first act’ – Lucie kills the family, even though they seem to have changed and live a normal life with their children now, while Anna, the more stable one, loves Lucie too much to give up on her. In the end of act one, Lucie commits suicide; she still sees a hallucination of a girl she left behind on her escape; an illusion that punishes her for that and finally drives her to cut her own throat.

Act two is actually the one losing some of the tension – surprisingly, because this is the actual torture porn part. A group of people, dressed in black and acting like a militia, rush into the house and take Anna prisoner. She had discovered a secret door to an underground facility, and found the girl Lucie saw in her halluciantions. Attempting to help her, she undersetimated how disturbed someone would be after over 15 years of torture. Well, she will discover it soon enough, as Anna takes her place in the dark chamber now.

Act three, or more the revelation act, finally reveals the intentions of the mystery militia. The group is dedicated to create Martyrs, unrelated to religion, by inflicting pain and suffering, in order to reach a state of ecstasy that allows the ‘Martyr’ to see ‘the other side’. Why exactly they do it? It’s not mentioned, but it also doesn’t matter. Martyrs manages it to stay interesting, even through the quiet parts of plain torture, lacking of any dialogue or explanation, and to come up with a satisfying end.

A Serbian Film is a revelation of it’s own. Someone actually got the concept of torture porn and brought it to a new level. Milos, a retired porn star in need of money, accepts the offer of the shady artist Vukmir to appear in his new movie. He soon starts to doubt the project, but tries to go through with it while his brother Marko, a policeman, investigates Vukmir.

The movie is like a 96 minutes drug trip through the eyes of Milos, and though it uses many elements I’m usually not too fond of, I would call it a perfect execution. We have a not always chronological storytelling, but it fits the blackout moments of Milos, the time steps and backflashes when the memories are triggered. We have some cases of handcamera, but again, this just underlines the unstable drugged scenes. The ‘artsy’ scenes shot by the strange cameramen sometimes remind of the glass box scenes in Tromeo and Juliet, just a lot rawer and sicker.

In movies that intentionally go for the most extreme perversions, it can easily come out forced, constructed and stay behind expectations. We’ve seen that in movies like Hostel, Wolf Creek, Hills Run Red or the Hills Have Eyes remakes. A Serbian Film, however, fulfills these expectations and presents them in such a raw and dirty way that it feels authentic and disturbing from the first moment to the last – and can still surprise through it all.

Session 9 as the only US production I watched last week, is certainly not a bad movie, but – sorry to say – pales in comparison to the outstanding European ones. It is by far more mystery than horror, but though there are a few graphic scenes (maybe 5 minutes and not going to any extremes) it creates a wonderful atmosphere of permanent danger. Sure, there are some parts of the plot that don’t make much sense and also don’t really reveal their meaning or relevance, but overall, the spooky scenery of an abandoned mental hospital makes up for it. It’s a nice watch, though I can see how it never made the big break.

Short Cuts

Digging through movies I haven’t seen in ages/at all, I came across these in the 2nd January week.

Blood Feast II – All U can eat

The thing that bothers me most about this classic is the title. “all U can eat”. That’s l33t speak before it was trendy. But luckily, the title is really the only thing I dislike. The story is incredibly funny and gory, and though the FX can’t completely keep up with more recent movies, it is still way better than most so-called gore flicks of the past 10 years.

Bloodsucking Freaks

An all-time fave that combines so many of my fave grindhouse elements – caged women, slave trade, sideshow flair and sick torture, along with an almost stand up comic lead duo. What I don’t really get is why this movie is said to be so politically incorrect. The dwarf, for example, is not shown as a mindless idiot who obeys whatever his master Sardu says. No, he’s almost an equal partner – almost because Sardu is the director and Ralphus an actor. But still, he gets his share of fun and artistic freedom, and frequently enjoys the same luxury as his boss. Also, the caged women are almost all white, while Sardu’s dominatrix and her aide are black – that’s very open-minded for a gore flick and completely reverses the ‘token minority dies first’ trope. This movie has been a fave from the first time I’ve seen it, and it will always be.

Wrong Turn I & II

Oh man, how could I ignore them so long? Answer: I got them along with Vacancy I and II and High Tension. I found all of these boring and uninspired, so I didn’t bother to watch Wrong Turn – and then forgot. Now I gave them a chance and they immediately made it into my top list. While Wrong Turn (1) was nice and bloody and didn’t have any lengths, Wrong Turn 2 – Dead End is even better. Not just bloodier, though that certainly applies. I also just love the premise of a reality survival game show turning into the real deal. Bonus points for Henry Rollins as retired marine Dale, who is so badass, he’d technically need an identical twin brother to contain it.

Dead Snow

…made me regret yet again that I never learned any Scandinavian language, because the DVD only features the original Norwegian sound and German, both also as subs. Not really helpful. As much as I love the movie, as much am I bothered by German synchros. I would have watched it in Norwegian with English subs, if there were any. German translations always seem to lack authenticity – the voices seem wrong even if I don’t know the real actors’ voices. Still, a great movie that will always have a special place in my heart. Nazi zombies are simply better than just nazis or just zombies.

Saw II

Easily my fave of the series. Not that hard, as I only consider Saw 1 – 3 as decent and the rest as crap I only watch to rant about it. Mainly watched it because I needed to relax, voice-wise, and it was the nearest DVD I knew had English audio.

Anatomy

After (yet another) failed attempt to watch Salo – The 120 Days of Sodom, I decided to make the test: a German movie in original language. And yes, my theory confirms; the voices sound right, only synchros suck bad. To my surprise, the movie didn’t suck. I hadn’t bothered with it before because I don’t like Franka Potente, which is a reason I dislike a lot German movies. It’s sad but true – we don’t have that many decent actors. One of them was in Anatomy, by the way, Benno Fürmann.

The movie has a few lengths in the middle, but that’s not too bad. It’s actually quite entertaining and features some awesome grotesque plastinated bodies. I hadn’t expected the surgery scenes to be so explicit; kudos.

Salo – The 120 Days of Sodom

Well, I just don’t get it. It’s one of these ‘must sees’, but I can’t get through the full length. Why the hell is this movie so controversial? Why do people claim it is perverse and shocking? It’s goddamn boring! I make 1 hour at best, and then I get distracted by the first fly on the window, hunger, urgent desire to play a video game… anything, if it’s only more entertaining than this. I keep trying, just so I can say I’ve seen it, but I have a feeling I make it through the 235 minutes cut of Caligola before I ever see the rest of Salo.

Machete/Ice From The Sun

Machete is an excellent, entertaining movie with a great cast, soundtrack and visual effects. I’m too lazy to write a full review, but this one is really worth to watch. Go, Rodriguez!

Ice from the Sun, on the other hand, is bullshit. ‘Trippy Gore’, most certainly, if ‘trippy’ says you better be on drugs to understand the senseless story. It can be summarized as: Wizard. Dimension. Ice Wall.

Some girl (it takes a while to figure out it’s a girl) named Alison tries to kill herself by cutting her wrists, but while she’s dying, a trippy oracle surrounded by colored smoke shows up and tells her a long and boring story about a wizard who created a new dimension by taking ice from the sun to contain his magic, had an apprentice who now took over this realm and is so f’n mighty that angels and devils can’t stop him. For no particular reason, 6 people have to enter that realm and die from their greatest fear to feed the… apprentice, magic, realm, ice, dimension, wizard. If you think that was a badass long sentence – listen to the trippy oracle. THAT is a long sentence. And one hell of a boring monologue, too.

Alison is the chosen one to defeat the wizardapprenticedimensionicewall by reminding him that he was once human and had to sacrifice his lover to gain power. Or something. Also, 6 random people enter the dimension and die from their greatest fears. Some rather boring, some with okay FX, but nothing that would equal out the oracle speech, horrible cuts, equally horrible actors and kinda stupid story. In the end, Alison turns out to be the reincarnation of the lover the apprentice had to kill to… oh whatever. The movie sucks, especially after ‘Machete’, which makes a lot movies look bad. But still, that’s no excuse.

Famous last words: Maybe the ice was from the sun, but the script was from a drug rehab center, department ‘beyond hope’.

The Senseless Dwarf

Umm, ‘The Sinful Dwarf’, I mean. I know it’s a sexploitation classic, but even more, it is a picture perfect example how bad a movie can really be.

It’s not boring. It’s painfully predictable. It’s not just a bad story, it’s even more the bad execution. And more than this, it’s the misconception beginning with the title. This is not a movie about a dwarf. It is a movie that also has a dwarf in it. But the exceptional performance and lead character is his mother.

The story. Absurd, naturally. We have the dwarf Olaf or Oleg or something. He lives with his mother, a former cabaret star still clinging to her past glory. They live in a big house with a small room they rent to young couples; and they have an attic with drugged, naked women to rent to strangers for sex. And they have a drug dealer who also runs a toy store and hides the drugs in stuffed animals. Obviously, the plot is that a young couple moves in the house, the dwarf and the mother want to add the woman to their collection of slaves, but her husband (who gets a job with the toy store drug dealer) finds out and saves her.

So far so good. But the only thing the dwarf really does is leading men to the attic and locking the door for them. Sometimes, he also plays with toy trains. That hardly qualifies as lead character, as the mother is the one plotting and planning all the time. Plus performing on her own cabaret stage and dealing drugs. I realize a movie called “The evil old lady with the dwarf son” would not be as appealing from the title, but it would get the point.

Famous last words: Rent this movie. Don’t buy it. You’d regret.

Sadisticum

Sadisticum

Less than an hour playtime. Amateur movie. German audio with nearly unreadable English subs. Sounds like shit? Hell, no! This is clearly the splatter surprise of the (last) year! The effects are outstanding and realistic like I’ve never seen it before in a low budget production – and you bet no-one with a sane mind would really invest in a movie with no chance in hell to ever reach a big audience. The actors are way above average; lighting, cut, camera and sound effects, too.

So, what is Sadisticum about? A sadist. Not that hard to guess. At the age of 17, our narrator more or less accidentally kills a classmate and experiences yet unknown satisfaction and pride from this act. For many years, he surpresses the urge to kill and torture, but 30 years after his first crime, he gets robbed on the way home. Feeling the blood on his head and being reminded of the situation at school, the urge to kill arises and he breaks out his normal life.

He prepares to live his dream – to kill and torture for an audience that will appreciate his passionate work. It results in “torture workshops” and these scenes are so intense, Eli Roth would blush and deny he has anything to do with Hostel. The nameless killer appears like the competent guy from a Tool Time show when he explains his students how to cause the most pain with the smallest work, with and without tools, how to keep a victim concious, how to make the torture last as long as possible. He’s friendly, smart, patient and skilled – a passionate teacher of perversion.

Obviously, the kills don’t stay a secret and the police starts to investigate. And this leads to the one thing that annoyed me. It is – at least in the east of Germany – not uncommon to meet people with English first names. In the DDR, parents gave their children American names as a pocket size protest against the communist government. So nothing wrong with the main investigator’s name being Steven. (Though I don’t see why it can’t be Stefan. I assume that the movie was made with the intention to be synchronized; the intro and outro are written in English, too. That counts as an excuse.) But that his name, Steven, is spoken out in every damn sentence said to Steven in every damn conversation with Steven, that really gets annoying, Steven. Alright, its also annoying that his wife’s name, Alina, is used in the same way. In some scenes, you think you hear nothing but Steven-Alina-Steven-Steven-Alina-Steven. The other thing I found a bit unlucky – its only about 57 minutes. I would have liked another hour – its really a very entertaining and well done movie with a relatively surprising end.

Famous last words: More movies like this, please!