Falling Skies S05E04: The Short Life of Ryan

Not going to save the best for last: The episode has no Maggie at all! That is amazing.

What the episode does have is a lot of emotional moments surrounding Cochise and Anne. Cochise just remembered that he is dying because he only has one alien kidney. For this occassion, his father stops by and is, within minutes, convinced that an organ transplant – which has never been done in Volm history – is a reasonable suggestion and Anne is the most qualified person to perform it. Anne selects Ben as her assistant “because Tom wasn’t around and Ben was”. It remains unclear what would make Tom, a history professor, a more qualified surgery assistant.

Meanwhile, Pope and Anthony have banded together over their anger; Anthony is pissed because he is removed from the frontline, Pope is pissed because Tom didn’t rescue Sarah. Out of nowhere, they recruit a bunch of new, never seen before misfits to have a front against the Masons.

The Masons, at least Tom and Matt, are checking out a totally untouched police station to loot weapons and gasoline. They take Dingaan, Weaver and Ryan along. If you don’t recognize the name Ryan, that is because the character never showed up before and could as well be called Red Shirt. At the police station, Weaver finds the car of his dreams, Dingaan contacts a resistance group near the Bolivian border and Ryan dies to a swarm of those flesh eating bugs or whatever killed Sarah.

Back at the camp, they are just in time to provide a car battery for Anne to try to revive Cochise’s father, who strangely refers to his son as ‘Cochise’. Not right now, he’s dying, but he did so before, when they were speaking in Volm language. While Anne and Ben try to revive Daddy Cochise, Pope calls Tom out on getting Ryan killed. It is quite amusing how both have a point – Pope about the Masons being apparently immortal and sacrificing everyone else, Tom about Pope just moping and whining. Tom then gives Pope a gun and points it at his head, and because this is a family show, Pope sadly doesn’t pull the trigger.

Instead, Anthony lures Anne to their villain lair, where Pope is just done shaving his head, to underline how he is really really bad now. Not bad enough though, as he just lets Anne go and decides to go after Tom’s sons instead. Genius.

Tom, on the other hand, walks through a forest when he is contacted by his dead wife/the mystery alien again, who “can’t exist in the same space”. Guess we’re in for some interdimensional crap. Anyway, the dead wife points out that Hal is gone. Big surprise, Pope kidnapped him somehow and holds him hostage in a forest, intending to kill first Hal and then Tom.

Yeah. What can I say? It was way too predictable that Ryan would die to surprise anyone. The only surprising thing about it was that Ryan wasn’t black, really. It was also obvious that Pope wouldn’t go through with killing Anne and it doesn’t take visionary skills to predict he will also not kill Hal and Tom. As usual, the most interesting part is what will happen with Anthony after he turned on the 2nd Mass. Best guess? They’ll blame it on PTSD and all is good again.

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Falling Skies S05E03

Looks like Ben and Maggie will take the Cringe Couple Award home. The death of Sarah was both welcome and telegraphed from miles away, and I wouldn’t even complain if it hadn’t been so cringey and unneccessary. But first things first. The valley full of skitters and the skitter-like hornets didn’t pose a problem at all. Dingaan luckily invented a flying insect poison dispenser over night and a small group of fighters was able to clean out the valley within minutes. Things briefly got interesting when the population was not only back but had doubled in numbers the next day. The only conclusion was that an Overlord was nearby and genetically engineered skitters and had them gather in this valley. So far, so good. The past has shown that this shouldn’t take longer than 30 minutes, or a half in-show day to solve. Pope and Sarah went to follow the “stream of skitters” to find the source and it was physically painful to listen to the “let’s have pretty babies after the apocalypse” talk. Seriously…? Well, meanwhile, the girl and the skitterized brother that the Cringe Army had brought back from the Land of the Miracle last episode escaped and naturally, Maggie had to go after them due to a guilt trip. Wherever Maggie goes, Hal goes and wherever they go together, stupidity ensues. Not far away in a forest, they spot the elusive Overlord who saw no need at all to meet the skitter boy and his sister in a somewhat more protected location. It’s not like the Espheni are in a vulnurable position at the moment, and damn, if only there was a gathering ground for skitters and hornets in the area to provide a better defense for a single Overlord… But I guess the attempt to personally talk Skitter Boy into killing his sister for whatever reason was too important, so that’s what the Overlord tries. He also takes control of Maggie to underline the urgency of his deed, but luckily, Hal and his rifle are nearby. Any bets if Hal would think to use his rifle to take out the Overlord from a save distance? Well, nope, he runs toward him and stabs him in the back. Why? Because they need him alive, to tell the 2nd Mass where the skitters are made. And because Hal only learned to shoot a rifle yesterday, it was impossible to fire a non-lethal shot. Skitter Boy then obtains a gun and shoots his sister and then himself. Well done. Hal and Maggie return to camp with the captured Overlord.

Meanwhile, Sarah got stuck in the conveniently placed “Espheni goo” some might remember from last season. It’s like superglue! Oh my god! Fire would easily remove the goo, but Pope still hasn’t learned to make fire with all the damn wood and leaves in the forest, so he has to go back to camp to get a flamethrower. If you can count two and two together, you know from the “let’s have a picture book future” talk earlier that Sarah won’t see another morning. In the camp, Ben and Maggie have combined their spikes to get the location of the skitter factory from the Overlord. The rest of the 2nd Mass takes the only available vehicle to go destroy said factory, and Tom promises to save Sarah on the way back. Pope freaks out, takes the flamethrower and runs back into the forest. Whatever. If you had learned to make a damn fire, or picked up a lighter, you wouldn’t have this problem.

The 2nd Mass arrives at the skitter factory, which is an actual factory building full of giant barrels. Fully grown skitters and hornets emerge from those, like from an assembly line. I don’t know how far you can stretch “it’s alien tech”, but that’s not how I imagine genetic engineering. Three bombs quickly put an end to it, and now the crazy plot twist: Anthony froze up. No, this had no impact on anything. Yet. After the successful mission, Tom tries to keep his promise and save Sarah. But alas, Pope arrived there a bit earlier, flamethrowered a bunch of alien insects away and Sarah had no legs. Including the cliche “I can’t feel my legs” line. She ded nao. And Pope is pissed at Tom. Really? I mean, the entire Cringe Conga with Sarah was meant to turn Pope into… an antagonist for Tom? Isn’t that… y’know, exactly as what he started? The character was fine for 2.5 seasons, and some decent writing would have covered up the weak episodes in season 3. Now it’s a train wreck like all the others, with no hope for redemption.

Speaking of train wrecks. It appears I somehow put my money on the right horse from the start: Anthony. The last man standing. The only character left who has not turned into a parody or otherwise been made awful to watch. It took him extraordinary survival skills – with black guys dying left and right, no last name, often without notable screentime or lines for episodes – to make it this far. But there he is, alive and kicking, and with a believable plot of his own: Anthony now has PTSD, according to Ann. Therefore, he killed the Overlord, after witnessing him pick up some rocks and making them glow – which might as well be a real thing; Overlords have been doing just this to open telepathic communication with others of their kind in season 4. With the exception of Lexi, no-one has witnessed this though, and Anthony certainly seems a bit nuts to the 2nd Mass now. Which is why Weaver relieved him of duty. Comically, he only took his rifle, not the bullet belt Anthony wears since his first appearance. Noteworthy, at least to me, is the fact that a different accessory has changed owners: Anthony now also wears Pope’s skitter claw necklace. And I finally have hope to get Sheriff Anthony and Desperado Pope to team up against Mason and Weaver.

Cell Count (2012)

Umm. I’m not sure why this movie exists.

So there’s Russell Carpenter and his dying wife Sadie. I think she has cancer or something. After the emotional introduction of this situation on her deathbed, a doctor with a – presumably – German accent tells Russell in no uncertain terms that Sadie will die in one week. Unless she joins his secret program, that can totally bring people back from death, and to prove his point, the doctor totally rips open his shirt and shows a totally convincing scar. Despite the outragous claim and little evidence, Russell immediatly agrees to not only sign up his wife, but join her, too. Russell Carpenter, as it turns out, is not a man of wise decisions.

Three weeks later, he wakes up desoriented in a sterile looking research prison, along with a bunch of other people. Bill/y aka bald guy with the tattoo, Blackhaired Girl, William the hobby photographer (or journalist?) and Delusional Timetraveller Mason. For some reason, Billy’s dog is also in the facility, in a locker room. And somewhere, two inmates who were sent to this research program; Timothy and Abraham. None of them is a very wise decision maker.

Everyone gets a mystery surgery to have “the cure” implanted, which is a crossover of a… roach or bug and a 5 foot long tapeworm. Apparently.

What stands out about all characters involved is how little they question anything. No-one looks particularly trustworthy or sane, but there are absolutely no conflicts or trust issues between them. Everyone also magically knows where to go, based on information like “that room where the dog is”, despite this being a huge facility with various corridors and security doors. At some point, the “regular” patients make contact with the inmates, whose cell doors are simply opened because why the hell not. Timothy soon pukes out a giant flesh bubble that wraps around his face. He is/goes insane and Eraserhead would have made a quite descriptive nickname. No-one has any reservations at all to trust Abraham though. Good for him, because he now reveals the truth about the “cure” being some sort of parasite. Though at least one person still has that thing inside his stomach, the group decides to escape. Now it gets a bit chaotic and I don’t know what the actual plan was supposed to be. Some people die, they kidnap the doctor and make it outside, where magically a bus with a driver (who is magically also a friend of Abraham) awaits. It is possible that Abraham, Billy and Mason all had planned to die to destroy the facility with the conventiently present C4, but they all make it to the bus anyway. Where it is revealed that they are in a quarantine zone of 100 miles that is inhabited by mutants. Then the movie is over.

Umm. It was an ok premise and had a neat (Hyper)Cube/The Experiment atmosphere at some point, but the extremly flat characters and their unexplained actions also make it… not boring, but very anti-climatic and hard to follow. I don’t expect much depth or logic from horror movies, but there are way too many things that make no sense.

Famous Last Words: Even body horror can suffer from plotholes; respect.

Ticks

Ticks aka Infested

Harry Potter and the Forest of Bugs …aka “Infested” aka “Ticks” is so damn 80ies, its hard to believe it’s from 1993. Luckily, the movie doesn’t take itself as serious as some reviews seem to do. I’ve read horrible things about this ultra-violent gorefest, but… Hell, we are talking about a giant rubber monster movie here, not a splatter flick a la Braindead.

So, why Harry Potter? Because Tyler, one of the youngsters taking part in a youth rehab program in the wilderness, just screams Harry Potter. I believe its the glasses, and the scene where he fights mutated rubber bugs with a flaming broom certainly does its part as well. Other participants of the “get over your troubles by becoming one with nature” camping trip fulfill their stereotypes. Panic – a stereotype big mouthed black ghetto kid. A Mexican suave guy (the name was mentioned once or twice, but I already forgot it) and his dumb blond girlfriend. The silent waters are deep Asian girl. The ‘my dad is an asshole’ daughter of the camp supervisor; said dad and his co-supervisor/affair Holly. They all are as stereotype as possible in their roles, and that’s perfectly fine for me.

The part of the cast that gets slightly confusing contains Sir and Jerry, who are appearantly local dope dealers (and no-one knows what the f they are doing in the forest) and some weird guy living in a weird hut, with no relation to anything else.

The weird guy in the weird hut does weird things (drinking tea and preparing bear traps), then he is attacked by mutated ticks. Then we simply switch to some yard in LA where Dad and Holly pick up the kids for their camping trip and the story begins.

In said camping hut, Tyler discovers a slimy cocoon in the closet, which doesn’t concern him, Panic or the Mexican suave guy, who all share this room. After some minor arguments, Panic’s dog gets attacked and killed in the woods, having the two results of Dad and Holly calling the sheriff and Panic deciding to get back to LA on his own. Dad and Tyler take the dead dog to the next vet, where they learn about the mutated ticks (not why they mutated, this will remain a secret forever) and that their bites cause hallucinations. Remember this. Its very important to make sense of… something.

Meanwhile, a damn lot of events take place or start to do so:

Panic ran into Sir and Jerry, and somehow got them angry. Why, I can’t tell, but they try to kill him.

Holly talked Dad’s daughter (Melissa, I believe) into taking the Asian girl to a pond for fishing, where the girls find the dead body of the sheriff.

Mexian suave guy and his girlfriend discovered the weird hut of the weird guy, where the girlfriend got bitten by a tick; the weird guy killed himself after screaming “I’M INFESTED!” and having ticks spawn from his face. Or so.

On their way back from the vet, Dad and Tyler pick up Mexian suave guy and girlfriend. They make it back to the hut, while the most senseless scene ever takes place in the woods. Panic is still on the run from Sir and Jerry when he suddenly slips over a wire – which triggers two horns to go off. Awesome? Senseless? Both? It gets better. Panic falls and finds himself in front of two tanks of gasoline. Why they are there? No idea. But Sir tries to shot Panic, hits one of the tanks and sets the entire forest on fire. Panic makes it to jump off a hill or roll down, and being shot in the stomach, bitten by several ticks and just escaping a massive explosion… what would you do? You take the steroids you stole from the Mexican’s bag, thinking its painkillers. Not? Its what Panic does anways.

The fire causes all the ticks to crawl from the forest… no, not away. To the center, where the camping hut is. I have never really thought about the movement of ticks. I spent 3 weeks in the peaceful nature of Finland, so I sure had enough time to think about ticks in general. But I always pictured them as sitting still. Or moving very slow, like bugs. Not running around like spiders on LSD. Guess the ticks in this movie do because they are mutated and all.

When everyone is back in the hut, Sir and Jerry also show up there and threaten to kill someone if they don’t get the keys for the bus. Which made me wonder why they were somewhere in the woods if they had no car to get there. Anyways, the threat is only so-so effective, as everyone expects to die soon by either ticks or fire. Its also just a brief discussion because a near dead Panic returns, blames Sir and Jerry for his near death, and then dies. O lala. Now the others are really upset, but it doesn’t change the idea they’ll only get out alive as a team. Sir disagrees and forces his aide Jerry to make a run for the bus. Needless to say the ticks win that one.

Suddenly, Panic’s corpse starts moving and then rapidly mutating into the mentioned giant rubber monster tick. The solution, for now, is leaving Sir alone with the monster for poetic justice and coming up with a new plan to reach the bus. Tyler Potter swings outside the window, fights the ticks with a flaming broom (and no, I’m not joking) and gets to the bus. In the end, all kids except Panic (who explodes with the house, Sir and the main part of the forest when the fire reaches yet another gasoline tank), Dad and Holly make it back to LA, where we see a cocoon drop off the bus.

The effects aren’t bad, for a giant rubber monster movie. The worst is likely Panic’s rubber face during the mutation, but the bug legs are quite cool. All in all, this movie is far from being a violent gorefest; its fun splatter at best, and an average monster movie at worst.

Famous last words: If I had never heard about or seen this movie… I would live. Its no must see. But you also wouldn’t regret wasting 1.5 hours of your lifetime by watching it.